My last self destruct

The last time I self-destructed was this past weekend I guess you can say it was one of those days when you wanna be alone and when your alone you realize”oh m;y god, Iam alone”  that’s what happened to me this past Saturday. After coming back from the museum I wanted to go to the mall and I realized I had no one to go with so i decided it would be alone time for me as i was leaving the house my mom gets upset and says why don’t you go with somebody call your friends, your sister  and I’m like no I’m going by myself i don’t need company. As i walk by the stores and see people accompanied by friends or relatives i feel lonely and the fact that my mom wanted to have someone go with me made me feel worse she felt sorry for me i was thinking just cause nobody could come with me doesn’t mean I’m a lonely pathetic person. I didn’t even enjoy my shopping that i went home. I decided to stay in my room to cool off and just wander off watching TV all snuggled down in my sheets. My sister comes and starts talking to me of how her day went and I’m being all rude snapping at her i didn’t notice how mean and rude i was being when all she wanted to do was talk to me and share her day. She left hurt and sad about how i had reacted with her and i didn’t even stop her.  I cooled off and apologized for  being so aggressive towards her when it was me who had started everything. She accepted my apology and told me not to feel lonely because of littler comments my mom says “she only wanted you to go with someone so  you could be safe” and i understood. So yes I’m one of those who self-destruct others without noticing how much harm i can cause until i had already done it.  I realize i have to work at this harder and control my emotions.

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